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2002-04-22 @ 2:39 p.m.

ok so i guess THIS is it. maybe for the last time. lat night he toldme that hes been treating me like shit beause he thinks i still like him. he is scared to say the word love. so hes been using a fucked up reverse psychology on me. and you know what i told him,and i was proud ofmyself for this: I said "you know what, take down all my pictures, and don't wear the colonge i bought you, basically forget the place and time in your lfe where i existed, because you don't deserve to know me,and i wish i didn't know you. and abot you worrying that i like you - well stop because the way yo have been treating me has made me lose all inkling of feeling fr you and almost all the respect i had."

and he was speechless because for once, i didn't let him walk on me, and foronce i told himhow it was and how it was going to be. and i took control of myself and of our sick relationship, because i am tired of it.

I am not a prostitute, i am not a common slut. I was his girlfriend for a year and a half and last night he told me - he can have sex with me without any feelings involved. he said"i remove myself from the situation" and i said "well good for you , you heartless sick fuck, because unlike you, i care."

and i know he felt bad, and i know he has the boy disease where you say one thing and it comes out wrong, but i'm sorry. i don't care.

itstime us girl stop treating our hearts, and our bodies and our morals like they are a cheap and used nintendo, we don't need to pawn them for affection, because all that happens when we do that, is when we finally want them back, we've cheapened them, and we get less than we put in. i'm not going to cheapen myself for anyone anymore. I don't care how pouty his bottom lip is, or how rough his hands are from playing the guitar. its not worth it.

hes not worth it

and i am.

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