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2002-04-23 @ 9:10 p.m.
when will it be my turn for happiness? I think that i deserve it. and i know i've been bitching alot recently. I know. My mind is full of doubts. and what can i do? who can i turn to if not myself?
I really just wish icould go to sleepand wake up in a month. I want this part of my life to beover and done with. the moving on part. the getting over it part. the being strong part. I'm too lazy. I don't want to learn, i dont want to feel enriched by my past. I want to forget it. I want to wake upand be happy.
but i guess strength or character as never built on sleep. and those things are important to me.
today i was listeningto radiohead and i started to cry. it was so beautiful and i wished that i could be there. I wish that i could be in the place where that music takes me all the time. It sounds hokey. but i mean that. what would i do without it?
one more side note - is there anyone that you would not care -in all honesty- if they died? honestly. I'm feeling very ungodly because there is someone who - by there death may actually even enrich my life. saying - i would actually be happy. I'm a fucked up individual. oh its true.
true love waits in haunted attics