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2002-07-01 @ 11:19 p.m.
I went over Doug's new apartment tonight (if you don't know who doug is - he is my infamous ex.)and it was really good to see him. It took awhile for me to get to a place where i could see him without feeling empty. but i am there.
We drank wine and watched girls gone wild. and it was weird, because we were laying on his bed, and he kept scooting closer. I knew what he was expecting.
Doug is not a typical asshole guy. at all. but where he and i are concerned there had always been a relentless attraction.
But for the first time in our 3 years of knowing eachother, i was the one who was not reacting too it. I could have if i wanted too. but it would have cheapened the whole experience and put me right back onto square one
I know where i stand where he is concerned and sex jsut does not pan out.The attraction is there, afterall he is beauiful.....but the heart isn't in it.
call me old fashioned, but its all about the heart.
and as i drove home, i felt so good. i had no regrets, and no burden on my shoulder.
I probably not hear from him for awhile, but thats ok.
It was so good to see him.
It is so good to have control.
finally.