-
2002-07-08 @ 12:30 a.m.
i was thinking tonight, how much everything has changed. so fast that i didn't even realize it until i actually sat down and took a breath. I was inhaling a cigarette actually and my mind was just wandering. everywhere.
I have been in love, had my first kiss, held my first hand,lost my virginity, drank my first beer, smoked my first cigarette/ joint, cried over a broken heart and broken hearts...and its all over you know? its gone- each moment you ponder as a child - they happen in the blink of an eye, and you don't even savor it.
i mean i'd like to sayi suck the marrow out of life, but thats not entirley true. how can it be? there are so many things, and people and cosequences to consider...
i want a romantic life. and i want to run away and travel the world with a backpack and a camera and a journal. and i gess i could. anyone could. all you need is a thumb and some balls. and i dohave a thumb..but what am i afraid of?
we as humans only have one chance to see this world, this earth. one chance to see a billion faces, and walk on streets so far from home, you feel lost...but here i sit,on my computer, in my house telling you about it.
it would be that easy.
but its not.
does anyone understand what i mean? what are we doing. what the hell am i doing?
i'm not unhappy, or deprived, but i almost want to be. i want to feel everything,any see everyone, and myeyes and hands are sogreedy and needy that i'll never be satisfied. and i will always live my life saying"what if" because thatis inevitable,i truley believe. because for every road you take, there is another you could have tken...and what if you had.
think about it.
i'm 18 and i can still see the world, and i'll fall in love a milon more times, and i can't wait.
touch me life, but not softly.
i want to know.
....and so yah like i said - was sitting there smking and that all struck me.
guys who put the wacky tabaccy in my marlboro menthol light?