-
2002-04-03 @ 7:46 p.m.
today, thought i was being sweet, and i since it was his birthday along with the colonge he asked for i went to walmart and constructed him a belated easter basket wih all sorts of good candy. yeah man. he just kinda laughed at me. said thank you then preceded to talk about his car for the next hour. how is it that a guy can talk and talk about the same boring subject for hours and not get the hint to shutup until you literally lay down from sheer boredom.
god.
after that he proceded to try and kick my ass as his sort of weird mating ritual but i just got real pissed off and threw my shoe at him.
"who throws a shoe? honestly."
then i left
what do i want? I want him to just kiss me and shutup and i want him to stuff his face with my candy and ask me how my day has been. i want him to not be a typical guy and resist talking about his car. and damnit i wanted to be invited for his family birthday dinner at don pablos! i was last year. its really over isn't it?
god
i'm such a dork. he'll be eating our favorite chicken quesidillas and chocolate volcano while i watch dawsons creek and pretend to find it ridiculous. this time last year we were in love, smoking cigarettes in his car on the way to dinner, and i seriously thought it would stay that way.how could i be so immature - to think he could replace the missing elements in me - how extremley lazy of me.
this entry may seem, well whiney and shallow, but i have a point. things fucking change. they could feel so right and they could make so much sense but - there is no gaurantee that the person you love will love you too, for as long as you love them. you just never know.
at this time i'd like to leave you with these words. i will feel better once i read them as well. bjork - take it away. All is full of love You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours into
Maybe not
From the directions
You are
Staring at
Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you
All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love