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2002-05-28 @ 10:32 p.m.
this boy in my life is so bittersweet.
god. he treats me like i'm an angel, he caresses my face and he holds my hand - but i feel like hes holding on for comfort. because he doesn't have really anyone. and he knows i care. he knows my hand is there.
which is a blessing and a curse. because i am leaving in 2 and a half months and i hope he realizes things aren't going to be the same.
i hope i realize it.
and this boy stays on my mind all the time. i picturew my mind as a doorway and i see him looming, sometimes a shadow, but he is always in the doorway. and i like it because i like him.
but everyone tells me i'm wrong.
they say i am better than him. because he doesn't have a job and he wakes up at 2. my mom says he looks sad. in his eyes. and that made me wonder, is that something he can help?
and i feel like saying "you should see how he looks at me, you should know the way his looks make me feel"
and maybe they'd think that was weak. or maybe they'd understand. i really don't care. because all i know is that when he is near me, i feel happy. he makes me happy,
thats should be the most important thing. it is.
it is.
and i could worry about him hurting me. and i could be scared of feeling anything, but i on't think i have the strength to not except valid respect. i don't have the strength to turn him away because of whatthey think. or maybe thatsnot it. maybe right now, the strength is in me. because i couldlisten to them, I could do what they think is right.
but i won't. and i'm not.
his face os toochildlike to scare me and his hands are so soft. he must use lotion.
how tough can you be if you use lotion and have a slight spray of freckles on your nose?
i'll be ok.