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2003-02-11 @ 7:44 p.m.
I am a selfish selfish person.
Josh has made it through rehab, he is coming home tomorrow, but it still bugs the dick out of me when i call him there, and he is talking to people in the backround. I want him to hate it, to sit and think of me and puppies and flowers, and i want him to cry and not eat. but he adjusted, and even made some friends. and i am not happy for him bluntly.
but anyway i have been taking metabolife, just cause the thought of summer and a bathing suit frightens me, but i am too stubborn to stop eating everything i want, or to exercise.
I have lost 10 lbs. But now i am obsessed. TOday i actually sucked in and grabbed on to my rib cage...and i liked it. Odd. I know I am not fat, but maybe i would like to have some sort of mental alilment.
fuck it. I can't take the whole no carbs thing much longer. I am to much of a junk food junky to have an eating disorder.
damnit
don't tell anyone but i watched MTV's "made" and i am in love with the Sly Caps. They remind me of my group of friends in highschool. although i branched out into several groups, the music nerds were always my favorite. I wonder what Ryan Cummings is doing. I love that boy...but woah was he crazy. I am gonna go call alex come to think of it.
Haha ryan "cum-mings" funny kid. even funnier name