-
2003-03-06 @ 3:30 p.m.
Maybe i am just really really fucked in the head. It could be a number of things. I am pmsing, I am pissed off at myself for not going to class again, I am sick of the normalcy of my life, i want passion, I want to KNOW.
whatever it is that has been eating me, I just want it figured out.
Someone once told me that I was like "noxzema to thier soul" - a weird compliment to be given to me,considering that i have sensitive skin...and noxzema irritates it.
how fitting is that,to sum me up - "Jamie - the girl who analyzes a perfectly nice compliment."
I can't help it. Am i insecure or just unhappy?
How many girls want this - and please just let me know if I am alone, psychotic, or sad -
1. A kiss. - I'm not saying that i need to be kissed every second - but my boyfriend neglects me int he kissing department. Sure he pecks me on the cheeks, or on my forehead, but the type of kiss that makes my toes curl, seems to be something he has forgotten how to deliver.
2. Validation - I'm sorry - sometimes, i like it when people tell me, "you are good at your job", or "i am glad you are trying in school", or "thank you for being so attentive, and caring to me, especially now when i need you the most.."(josh) promote me.
3. Intelligent conversation. I am sick of talking about what my future plans are, or "when i was in rehab.." or "last night i was sooo fucked up .... it was hilarious" - I spend my days talking to 3 year olds - literally. I work at a day care. So some intelligent conversation would be great. My boyfriends head is up his ass, my friends heads are up thier boyfriends ass, and my mom is really really into reality television right now.
4. PASSION - what else can i say. NEED Me. Die without me. whatever. this whole sitting on seperate couchs thing is getting old real fucking fast.
Fuck the list, I think i am young, and tired of worrying about everyone but me. I have not drank a sip of alcohol in 7 weeks, have not done anything illegal, i have not even smoked a ciggarette. For him, because i am willing to be a clean person to make sure i don't have to see him on a slab. And i think what all this boils down to, is once again, I am putting all of my effort into a guy, and feeling very alone. very unreciprocated.
the problem is now what do i do?