you want me to put that where????
2004-03-10 @ 10:56 a.m.
I have decided that since i grew up believing that everything i read in Cosmopolitan Magazine was true, that i have sort of willed my life to fit into these perfect cosmo nitches. Like its "so true" that boys will do anything to avoid confrontation. For example: when i bring up a particularly serious subject to my boyfriend - whatever that subject may be - he gets this weird glazed over look in his eyes, answers me a very nonanswering sense, in which i have found out nothing more about the inner workings of his soul, and then he abruptly changes the subject. He'll be like "yeah, who knows about the future, blahblahblah......- and then- so last night on Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, wasn't it funny as shit when that lady yelled "cheese doodles!"
i kid you not. He really does do this.
And so cosmo was right. boys hate confrontation.
Which leads to a semi funny, but also pathetic story.
I don't know if i've mentioned that my boyfriends labido has been signifigantly lacking ever since he stopped doing cocaine and got his little self of Wellbutrin.
We probably have sex, like once a month on average. Sometimes i will get lucky and i get it once a week, but those blessed times are few and far between.
So I say things like "wow, i think i might start forming cobwebs" you know really cute and charming things like that to pleasantly let him know that - hey honey - its been awhile.
And he will oblige.
And it is a very ego damning sort of a thing when your 22 year old boyfriend has the sex drive of a 40 year old woman, but I try to be understanding.
my vibrator has been on overtime, and you know thats not a bad thing. what he lacks - that thing makes up for ten fold
but i digress
the other day i got sick of the no sex thing
and we got in a huge fight, and i did the girl thing and cried, and asked "is it me" and warned "i can't live like this Josh!" and he got defensive, and I hung up on him, and it was just all kinds of dysfunctional.
the next day - as cosmo has warned me- he tried to act like nothing ever happened. I was annoyed, and i went to school, and was in a shitty mood all day.
But later on when he picked me up from my house - he said "i have a present for you" and i'm all happy because i do love presents! so i say "yay what is it" - ( i wanted it to be either the easy bake oven i had begged him to buy me from walmart, or a really good movie) he reaches around to the back seat of his car and pulls out a HUGE PINK DILDO!
I didn't know wether to laugh of hit him with it. So i said "oh thanks babe just what i wanted" and y ou know what?I know its weird but the dildo made me happy. After all it was NEON pink.
So it was then that i realized cosmo had it all wrong. When men are in the doghouse, they don;t buy flowers and play luther vandross.
They buy you huge dildos.
and that makes life worthwhile