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2002-03-24 @ 8:27 p.m.
I find myself walking around the house, saying "I love you" out loud. I'm saying it to him, but he's not there...which makes it easier bc when he is..I can't say it. I try not to even think it. I love him
All around me it seems that people are waiting to be defined, by society or , religion or their own minds, while i am still looking for a part of me to be defined. A word to describe who I am. because I am lost. I don't want to be arrogant and expect more then a mediocre life, with children and a man and a white picket fence. But I do. I don't have glamorous dreams. All i ever aspire to be is myself. And that may seem to be a task easily won, by taking a trip alone, or writing int his godforsaken journal, but if it were all so simple to find yourself in the hills of italy and in the pages of a looseleaf binder then there wouldn't be so many lost souls roaming the earth. Afraid and hungry for the life they'd love. I want to earn it and become it an denounce all the fools who thought i would do otherwise. My exboyfriend told me I'd be married young, with kids, young...he told me not to be offended that its not a bad thing, but if he saw the flames burning in my soul - he'd understand. Nothing will extinguishe them unless I quietly except normalcy. And I'm feeling young and dreamy -s o i think i won't.