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2002-05-24 @ 12:06 a.m.
today was such a good day. It was.
First of all it was beautiful outside, perfect weather - the kind of weather that makes you want to lay in the grass or play wiffle ball. remember wiffle ball?
greatness.
I went over josh's house and all of his family was there. Normally i'd be freaked out but - when i arrived they were all outside, enjoying the day too. so i got out and played volleyball with the kids. boys against girls. we lost. but not by much. and it didn't matter bc i had bare feet and i couldn't stop smiling.
josh's neice rachel (who is about 8 but sassy as all hell, and funny)and I went for a walk. She was talking to me about her grandfather dying (josh's dad) and we were holding hands. and for the first time in a long time, i felt like i belonged somewhere and was excepted somewhere - unconditionally besides my own house.
it was really nice.
it might sound petty but it wasn't and isn't. We played football. i got blessed grass stains. I was so happy.
To top it off we went to 7-11 and got slurpees. I mix my flavors. when we got back to the house "Whose line is it anyway?" was on. - how?- you ask - could the day get any better?
I don't know. but i wouldn't change anything about it.
i have been going through a hard time. Sometimes i think i have lost myself. sometimes i couldn't care less about anything. because - afterall- i am 18 and still unsure about life in general - what it is and where it is taking me. but today i realized soemthing. its jsut an adventure and it is an exciting adventure as I make it. as long as I souround myself with people and things that ony serve to make my life a little brighter, i think i will be ok. I think I will find what I am looking for.
you might think - "oh no shes talking like she is in love, and jamie + love = a lot of bitching. but, silly child - it is not love. It is th good stuff. It is friendship and sunshine and barefeet. And i don't regret mypast or the people i have chosen to love. I don't regret decisions I have made...know why? because with every day - and ever mistake and evey heartbreak and every person that comes an everyone who goes, I am learning more and more about me. about what i expect. about what i deserve.
and you will probably catch me bitching in a few day. I'm semi-cynical - i tend to do that from time to time. but jst know that underneath it all - I'LL BE OK.
no i am not on ecstasy. I am just happy. (thats the cynic in me)
tomorrow i will wake up and probably be sore, an i'll have grass stained feet, but i don't care.
i don't care.