-
2002-06-17 @ 12:51 p.m.
everything changed over a course of 3 days. 3 days and now i don't understand anything.
i have recieved love from an unxpected source, but desirable, and i love the way he looks at me and his long lanky arms and legs. i love his half smile and his laugh. and when he his near me i feel happy. so much happier.
and now the love that was growing before this revalation -i feel myself turning off. i find excuses not to be happy, just so he'll get sick of me, just so he'll think i'm crazy or mean, and i know i am rotten. i know. and i'm dumb because he is only pulling tighter as he sees me slip away.
what do i want? my stomach is constantly wrenching with the knowledge that i could make the wrong choice and fuck everything - all the happiness- i have worked so hard to find - fuck it all up. but my heart tells me that you can't live in fear of the wrong decision. and its true.
but how can i hurt him?
and how can i forget that kiss. and how cani forget his eyes and how he cried and begged me not to ignore love. he told me he loved me. and i think i love him too. what the fuck can i do