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2003-04-24 @ 5:14 p.m.
SO last night i was the first girl in the history of the world to get turned down by a 21 year old guy for sex. to add insult to injury, he is also my boyfriend of a year.
I really don't know what is going on between Josh and I. I am just very confused. I don't know if i am falling out of love, or if he is or if it is all in my head.
I have this idea in my mind of what i want out of the relationship, and what i'd be willing to give...and I just feel like i would give more than i am given. does that make sense? I feel like i am walking through this maze of a relationship alone.
no flowers anymore,no 3am calls to tell me he loves me, or that he had a dream about me. No waking up to him standing over my head with bagels...It feels like the good stuff...the little stuff is fading away. Slowly and unpurposfully, but yet its going.
ANd its such a scary and sad thing to watch the love you once had and the passion you once felt fade and diminsh like a candle. Its flickering right now. Tiny flickers.
and it burns to be honest.