-
2003-04-30 @ 1:36 a.m.
It is amazing the things that can happen in a year.
A year ago I walked into the bedroom, into the "party", into the life of this man, and it forever changed me. That very night he Od'd on heroin right in front of me. We shook him, yelled his name and splashed him with water. He nodded in and out of consiousness for the rest of the night.
Who knew that i would grow to love this man. That i would let him in.
Its almost nine months since i was standing, pregnant in my (now ex) best friends bathroom. I was wearing purple toenail polish and a light blue weezer shirt. and all i could see was the ground below me. Slow moving world, muffled voices and the reality of a night of carelessness. Who would have figured that the first night i told him i love him, I would concieve his child.
If i hadn't been 18 it would have been so perfect.
But i was. And its over. And everyday i icture this child, think to myself how i would have dressed it, talked to it, looked at it. I still dream about this child. It doesn't haunt me. But it stays with me.
And its been 3 months since i found him dead. Bluelipped and cold. 3 months since i brought him back to life, with cold water and rageful love.
Who would have known the turn all of our lives have taken.
Sweet moments pass us by. look around. It is ALL beautiful. Its making you - you.